I know going to HB's on Thursday was a bad idea but it helped, otherwise I would have stayed home all day depressed. Seeing him in person always gets me out of a bad mood, which is the reason along with unfortunate circumstances it took me such a long time to confront him. I was practically crying on my way to his place and wanted to talk properly. Those plans flew out the
window once I saw his good mood and was almost his normal self.
I feel bad for divulging all my relationship problems to Steve, but he seems genuinely interested and understands my frustrations. He is very good at reading people and I can't help but turn to him for advice. I am hoping whatever is going on is temporary and we can return to how it was. It's our 6 month anniversary this coming Monday, and whatever we will do to celebrate is a surprise to me. I have the horrible feeling that the surprise will be nothing :(
She loves to point out how in the aftermath of her fall out with Randy, she has lost all her new friends at school and he has managed to remain on good terms with everyone but her. To think of it, there has to be a valid reason on why they choose him over Cez. He also started going to school there this year so they have been friends with everyone for approximately the same period of time.
She loves to guilt trip me, Smile and Akuot about everything from having a boyfriend, not wearing plus size clothes to getting along with Randy and the group. It's been a month and she still won't stop complaining to us, expecting our full sympathy. Normally whenever she would spout rubbish about her abandonment and her issues we would try to say some reassuring just to move on because everyday it's the same fucking monologue. She's never happy with the friends she has, even they had stuck with her for so long and put up with her even when she treated us badly over the years. I think she needs to understand how it feels. And when she rants, what's the point of saying anything when she wouldn't listen to us? Yet when we don't respond she gets all indignant and demands we say something to comfort her. It's such selfish behaviour. If you can't learn from past mistakes or refuse to do anything to better her current situation what's the point of reply? She doesn't understand that there is so much we can take before it gets on our collective nerves. Today, I first asked her if she wanted to meet up tomorrow, when she didn't reply I asked Randy instead. Unlike her, he quickly replied and said yes. I hoped she didn't see me asking the others to join too because things are still awkward between them. Instead Cez invited herself to join us after she read the post on FB and got all upset when I told her that Randy was coming. Blubbering on how we have turned against her and that she needs us in her hour of need and decided not to come and acted all butt-hurt over it. I think I want to stick to my original resolution to cut her out of my life.
Every week we have been meeting up with each other, normally on a Friday. The week after the incident, Cez, Bianca, Akuot, HB and I met up in the city. Cez was high after she had her first joint and watching her act out all the signs was hilarious to watch as became all mellow, got the munchies, paranoia and then mood swings in 15 minutes.
We originally planned to go to Zoe's drama performance, but Cez didn't because she didn't want to run into them at her school and without Cez going I saw no justification in going to a stranger's school production when I never bothered to go to any of my own school's functions. At first HB wanted to go so I played the girlfriend card and made him stay. This was a big mistake because he was pretty grouchy the whole night and kind of dampened what could have been a fun girls' night out. Being so indecisive it took us quite a while to decide what to do. In the end we decided to watch X-men. Since we snuck into a special cinema which had assigned seating we had to split up to find somewhere to sit. HB was not happy about the experience, while the rest of took it in our stride.
The next week we decided to go out to dinner to catch up with Other's Friend's cousin and Bev who they haven't seen for a while. On the night we blocked from entering a restaurant by bouncers because Smile and Other Friend were underage. What kind of restaurants has bouncers? Their dumb excuse was there was a bar but that made no sense because the bar staff could ask for ID if we wanted to get any drinks and that Smile was dressed too casually. They told us to leave and go to Macca's instead to play with the toys. The bouncers were inconsiderably rude to us and in the end it was their loss. So we decided to go to another restaurant which turned out to pretty good and cheap. We ate a lot and was there for quite a while, it was fun girls night out although Bev and Other's Friend's cousin didn't turn up. In fact we stayed there so long, HB actually joined us after his exam. Unfortunately he was so out of it, he once again put a damper on the mood. After the dinner we all went home (Cez didn't want to but we forced her). It was kind of hard during each outing when HB turned up because he didn't wasn't in a mood to talk even though we haven't seen each other all week and he isn't very talkative on FB.
On Friday I went to a training session for a job I may or may not get (Personally I think its a scam run by the managers to get free workers but I went there anyway to put it as work experience) on the way to the train station I ran into Geraldine and Randy who were waiting for HB. Although I had to study for maths and was going to see HB the next day anyway I decided to hang out with them. It was fun because HB was in a better mood than the last few times I have seen him (Makes me think that his bad moods must have something to do with Cez or just the fact his exams are over). We hung around in the city, first we went to the NGV. Despite her crazy personality Geraldine was a lot more fun than Cez (more because I didn't have to control her and the fact that she knew her limits), hung out in a park while Randy, Geraldine, Sanjo and Sam had a joint each (HB and I were the responsible adults) and then went to some gay hang out space in the city. Being the only straight members of the group, HB and I were the odd ones out and being there felt weird. We watched a show about a gay couple. The fact I ran into them depended on a spur of the moment decision on which train station to take and then missing my usual stop for said station so I had to go through a different entrance.
Yesterday HB and I went to his nephew's birthday because it was a good way to introduce me to his family. Luckily they were all very nice and his nephew loved my present which was a stuffed dog. At one point his 2 year old nephew took me by the hand and we walked together in the backyard. HB wasn't happy that his nephew just stole his gf lol. I did my best to talk to his family on my own whenever he was busy talking about stuff I didn't understand or always wandered over to the kids, especially the birthday boy if I was left on my own. For a first meeting I think it went well. I will be seeing them again on his 21st. I think overdosed on cheese at the party, but then you can never have too much cheese. I like how relaxed and easy going his family are, we were holding hands and he was even touching me. I don't think I could have done than with my family around. When his parents dropped us of at the station,his mum hit something with the car. I almost panicked but they were so calm. If it was my mum behind the wheel and my dad sitting next to her, there would have been a massive bust up. The station was deserted and we just missed the train so HB and I had some time together because HB is going back home for the holidays and I won't see him for the next 2 weeks :(
That's what has happened recently and I still have a very nasty cold I caught from my brother.
Tonight is finally the start of an awesome weekend before exams. Firstly Cez, Bianca, HB and I are going to a booze cruise. The next day we are going to a warehouse sale and then a friend's birthday party. Afterward we are planning on getting drunk in the park on Saturday night. It may sound simple but it took a month to plan this and gain my parent's approval, which wasn't easy considering the fact I have no job and had to basically stop using my measly weekly allowance to fund this thing.
Since the whole day encompasses Friday night and all-day Saturday, I will be staying at HB's house for two days. Initially I kind of invited myself to stay for the night of the cruise, but then when a mutual friend decided to have her birthday party the following day he invited me to stay the next night.
The fact that I live so faraway is simultaneously a pro and a con. Pro in terms that I basically have no choice but to stay over at a friend's or the boyfriend's when we have outings like these and my parents have to accept that, unless they feel like picking me up from the station at 2am on a Friday night. It's con because that limits how often I can go out.
It is daunting, sleeping over at HB's because it will be the first time in my life I ever stay over at a guy's place. I told my parents that I will be at Cez's house just to keep them happy. I hope they never have a reason to actually check up on me during the 2 nights.
I couldn't believe my mum when she offered to give me some food in case Cez's mum doesn't cook or if they had no food at all (She thinks I am staying over at Cez's). I was considering her offer because I don't think HB will have enough food for both of us, being a student living in a share house. Plus I don't feel like spending my money on breakfasts or lunches. All the money I have is just for the warehouse sale and the birthday dinner. I decided against my mum's idea because I thought it would seem rude.
I have a job interview soon so I am also nervous. Wish me luck!
- I need to learn how to park so I won't have to rely on my parents to drive to the station.
-The furniture new and old have to be assembled and rearranged because the movers we hired were amateurs and took forever to move everything.
-Massive clean up and lots of shopping!
Lots of work at home and uni. I had to miss 1 and half days of uni and I hope I am not falling behind as the exams at least a month away. Day 1 of the 21 days without internet at home :(
Some highlights and lowlights
-We watched the video of Cez's b'day. Around the same time Georgia and her girlfriend came over to chat with Nick. Unfortunately her girlfriend, Catherine recognised Frank and was very upset and angry about it, thinking Cez took advantage of him. lol We suspected she had a crush on Frank who is gay.
-Realising that Catherine and Frank are also Cez's parents' names
-Being stalked by free Palestine and the Israel protesters
-Meeting Florence and her bf for the first time together
-Cez doing her level best to embarrass me in front of HB by asking whether he lost his v-card, number of gfs he had, whether we had spooned or not. Mentioned the fact that I had a double bed and that I like to hug people in my sleep. Almost told everyone I had tic tacs because I wanted to kiss HB. Luckily Other Friend stopped her just in time.*facepalm*
-Cez wanted to go to a gay and lesbian sex talk with Randy but she won't in order to maintain her straightness. Saying how the group will be awkward without her.
-Me trying to kiss HB whenever the others weren't looking or giving them greasies every time they caught us. By the end of the night I didn't care.
-The gang thought I was drunk or high for some reason when we were playing pool.
It seems like I have unwillingly become his closest confidant since the beginning of the year. I just don't like how he unloads all his burden onto me. I try my hardest not to do that to my friends and I get annoyed when they do it to me.
I really hope Bianca stops leading him on and tells up front how she really feels.
I am extremely distracted and singing Horrible History songs (the normal way of calming down, obviously) is not helping. The yucky stuff is slowly creeping in. I have a horrible report due on Friday :( and I just can't hold my attention long enough to finish it. Doing the introduction was painful enough. So why not complete a meme?( That meme!Collapse )
On a much happier note, I had a long overdue chat with my beloved friend Mash Potatoes. It was perfect tbh, she allowed me to freely rant and it felt much more nicer than to talk with her than Cez because she is actually interested in what I had to say and vice versa. We are each other's oldest friends and we still have so much to talk about. We are perfectly honest with each other and I wish I could see her more often than once every three years. It's really nice to have a friend outside all the bullshit but you can trust so much. They come very rarely. I felt no shame in talking about my crushes and neither did she. She fully understood my reasons for hating guys from my own cultural background and also don't like people who rant about religion. Can I love her even more? <3 I know we are lesbian soul mates XD
I am meeting up with Horse-Boy tomorrow. So I have to prepare myself!!! A girl has to do some much more than a guy tbh. It seems between this entry and the last one I seemed to have developed a crush on him.
Anyway I went by myself and wondered around a bit, waiting for people to start dancing. I tried to order a drink as well, but I didn't know what I could order either. So confusing!! Luckily this guy I met earlier that day ran into me and we starting talking. He was the head of the society I joined. It seems he liked to find lost and lonely people at the club and talk with them. So soon enough we had a little group. I just had a glass of champagne and that alone made me a bit woozy so I gave away one of my drinks tickets to the guy even though I wanted to try a mixed drink.
Plus I also made the group dance. Being all nerds they were reluctant but I insisted. Luckily they gave in except one who became my project. I forced him into the dance floor and wouldn't let him leave until he started dancing properly. It was baby steps. Unfortunately the two guys left to eat. Guess they don't like clubbing much. I stayed for another hour and danced with a lot of random people and tried a lots of Simon's dance moves. They were all so nice.
There was also a guy who reminded me of Stephen Mangan and tried to talk with him but there was girl with him there so all I got was his name which was very hard to understand in that noisy club :(
Left early cause I have class. The guy I forced to dance also sent me some texts on the way home. I hope I run into him more once the regular classes start.
Nothing really major happened but I had a lot of fun. I was extremely proud that I made home safely with all my possessions intact cause I am usually absent minded and forgetful even when I am sober. Though getting home at 12am wasn't really giving my grandparents who are visiting at the moment a good impression. This was the most worried I have seen my parents be, calling me a lot so my ass was vibrating every 5 minutes. They are usually so chill when I go out. Guess my grandparents had something to do with it.
I didn't get lost and had little trouble finding my classes, by the 3rd day it was old hat. The tricky thing is to get there on time since the campus is smack bang in the middle of the city. Apparently the classes are so big, people who turn up late have to borrow chairs from other rooms.
The main building for my department seems like an all boys school. Literally there are guys EVERYWHERE. Complete change from high school and I like it. It feels really weird that in a class of 35 there are usually about two other girls apart from me. I guess it comes with the territory since I am doing engineering.
But I loved it. Apart from the occasional awkward first few days I managed to make friends on my own without Cez's help. I am pretty proud of myself XD Actually I wish I could talk with her. It's only fair since she drilled me all the details about her new school.
I am looking forward to O week, meeting people in other departments and joining societies. Hopefully there is a secular/skeptic society. I think I need to join the Womyn's society just to cope as well.
My birthday is coming up soon and I hope my new friend and I can celebrate together.
She asked me to join them on group outings more and so on. I mainly have two reasons for not going though; the lack of money and sometimes that group can be incredibly obnoxious.
Luckily I managed to ask Cez to come over to my house for the BBQ, to see the full extent of the damage and whether she was exaggerating and being melodramatic again. Just when she was turning a new leaf and possibly getting better. Bianca started begging me to go to a Usher concert with her. I was like WTF?! We barely spoke to each other in high school and I am not that great fan of Usher's to bother going to his concert. I tried as tactfully as I could to say no. I honestly was not interested and it even if its was something I was genuinely interested I wouldn't just go on a whim, If I going to a live event, it's more likely to be a stand up gig than a pop concert.
I have been so stringent with money, I even passed on the upcoming Tim Minchin gig, just for the Melbourne comedy festival. But she won't relent and kept on begging me to go with her. She has no shame... we barely know each other.
So lo and behold, what do I get in the post? Another university offer. For my shitty final result, its pretty good, a double degree in Commerce/Engineering.
If I take this offer it would mean I have to move interstate to almost, the other side of the country on my own. It's a fucking scary prospect. Since I got my offer in the mail I have been trying to compare the two universities. From what I have read the two universities are very close in their rankings. I have been trying to ask people on fb for advice. I don't think anyone else from my graduating class had applied interstate.They seem all happy with their one offer. I don't get why people are already updating their education pages. Thank fuck I didn't since I am stuck in a limbo. Burkey still doesn't believe that I am reaching out to him and Cez is still away on her cruise. :( I asked my aunt for help to which she luckily responded to very quickly.
Burkey is still an arsehole I don't know why I keep on telling myself that won't be a sanctimonious prick now that he had graduated high school. For someone who is supposed to "like" me, he has a funny way of showing it. Ignoring him was probably better.
Since I am pissed at him, I feel like ridiculing his fb profile.
( angry at an old friend who I still hope in vain will change for the better...Collapse )
Civil Engineering at RMIT.
At first I was like
It's my second preference, which is alright because it would have taken nothing but a miracle to get my first tbh. Which is virtually the same course but has a higher score. I noticed that most people from my graduating class are doing Arts. Tried to find out what my asian friends were doing but their surnames made it incredibly hard. Do you know how many Truongs, Trans and Nguyens there are?
I tried to find out what Burkey is doing as well. Since you can only find out through surnames, he is either doing science at Melbourne or engineering at Vic uni. I'll find out soon enough, if its the former he will brag but if he is quiet I know its the latter.
Right now I am expecting some phone calls from some of my mum's gossipy friends. Geez... those people particularly dragged me out of bed when the scores were released and forced me to tell them what I got like it's their God given right to know.
Official enrolment is not until next Tuesday. I am now legit wondering what offer I got from the Queensland universities.
Tried to talking to Burkey, but he is convinced my account is hacked cause I reached out to him first.
btw my mum's not happy, though she is never happy tbh.
Otherwise I haven't done much at all. Been calling Vicroads everyday but their stupid medical department won't answer at all. I usually hold for 2 hours and then give up. My dad is right, I probably have to go their office to get this done.
They have FINALLY answered and I got my license back!!! I can start practising by the end of the week!!
So today after my job interview Cez is coming over and then we can have the opening of the DVD ceremony and watch it together. I haven't watched Future Sailors for ages. I don't think Cez has watched it at all.
So I am hoping that the plan is
She also bought me a Doctor Who calendar. I am just amazed how quickly people caught on that I was a Doctor Who fan. It is eerie...
I finally watched an episode of Buzzcocks after weeks of aimless downloading. I was so happy when Noel said that he hated BEP, I don't know if I can love him any more.
Thanks to being part of so many fandoms I have a lot of tv watching to do to catch up with everyone else.
Then I finally got my hair cut. I haven't cut my hair for a while and I left it so long it feels weird to have short hair again. But a great man once said, 'a haircut indeed is hair enhanced.'
So I am still in Melbourne for another 12 hours before the drive to Canberra. I hate taking the car, if the weather is nice as today was, I know I will be car sick again.